Just to warn you

This week hasn't been pretty. I won't bore you with the details, but I've gained big time. I'm so disappointed in myself , it isn't even funny.

I need a plan. A plan for the next few weeks to get me through some social food situations (picnics!).

My problem is this. When I'm not in a "controlled" setting, I feel too out of control. I don't write down everything, and if I do write down everything, I doubt my accuracy in the points I've deemed appropriate for everything. Which sets me on the road to destruction. I should be able to just get back to basics the day after, but I can't. I've tried. Maybe I'm not putting enough effort into it. All I know is that all this yo-yo shit has gotta end!

How long can this last?

So, to get this post off on the right foot, I'll start by saying I lost 1.6 this week. Nice and average, once again. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. But.... it might have been more if I hadn't eaten chips and fruit snacks and candy on Friday night. But hey, I still lost.

Chris and I had alot of fun at the casino on Saturday night. We went to the buffet, which was probably a mistake. Very difficult to count points and even more difficult to write down anything. Unless I pulled out my journal right there at the table. Which I didn't. Played slots for a couple of hours , but didn't come home with anything. Broke even. Neither Chris or I had a watch on, and thought when we left it was around midnight. We asked someone and turned out it was almost 2 am!! Came home, crashed, and had to be up by 8:30 to pick up the kids at Jen's. Not. enough. sleep. But we had alot of fun!

So, I declared today (Sunday) a "free day". Points wise. I'm hoping back on the bandwagon tomorrow morning. And I may not lose this week, but at least I won't gain a few pounds. One can only hope.

On a roll

Following WW is still going strong. I've finally gotten in the groove of things, for now, and I just might make it to my mini-goal! Scale is showing so far for this week, a 2 pound loss. I'll take it! Food choices are going good, but I still want to indulge. But I'm not going to. Went to my work picnic tonight and although there were tons of desserts I only had a tiny little cream puff and a small slice of cheesecake or tart thingie. Just enough to satisfy me, but still stay in control.

I haven't been going to the gym, but I've been trying to do some walking. The kids and I went for a walk tonight and although Molly stopped at least 5-6 times we walked for a good hour. One thing I've noticed about walking though. I seem to lose more weight when I walk than when I go to the gym and use the elliptical. Which kinda doesn't make sense to me. On the elliptical I probably burn twice the calories compared to walking. Yet I walk and lose more. Not complaining of course, just noticing...lol

One more day and then I weigh-in. This weekend my sister Jen is taking the kids overnight and Chris and I have a night to ourselves! We just might go the casino, eat at the buffet and try our luck on the slots and blackjack tables. Another challenge with the points, but its after weigh-in , so I have all sorts of flexpoints to use. It should be lots of fun!

The Power

I love the feeling of power I hold after having an entire OP (on point) week. The feeling of how I could do this forever. Of actually resisting junk food and not feeling deprived in the slightest.

So, I had weigh-in this Saturday and actually went. And..... because I actually drank my water and stuck with my points I lost 6.0 pounds!! Back down to 175.2 now. Highest being the 181.something and lowest being 171.something. Now. I have a goal. I want to be back down to my lowest by the fourth of July. Possible? Maybe. Depends how long this feeling of power lasts. But so far, I'm doing great this week. Only have used 13 flexpoints, and I stocked up on plenty of low-point foods for this week. I went grocery shopping and jello pudding was on sale! Love that stuff! For those of you (if there's anyone reading still) that do WW, just want to let you know that the FF pudding cups are 2 points, yet the sugar-free cups are only 1 pt! Top it with a tiny dollop of light cool whip and its a very tasty snack.

Back to my goal. I would love to get back down to my "lowest" by the fourth of July. My next goal is my birthday on the 11th, just a week later. I want to be into the 160's. Might not be possible though...depends on how well I do on eating during the picnics. Probably won't happen, but I'm sticking to the goal. I need to have some motivation, however I can get it.

Speaking of motivation, we had a different leader on Saturday and she was awesome. Made SUCH a difference. I'm thinking of going to the Tuesday or Thursday meeting, because of the leader, but weighing in on Saturday's so my sister and I can weigh-in together.

K, I'm outta here! Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

Bad,bad,bad

So I went to weigh-in on Saturday and lo and behold , I gained 4.6 pounds!! Granted, I can always use the "I'm retaining water" excuse, and it is true, but I know that I've gained fat as well. Eating devil dogs and hotpockets will do that to a person. I hate the way my clothes are fitting.... old size is too big, and new size is a bit too snug.

Taking it day by day. I keep going back and forth on how I feel. One day I don't care, or in some cases, its by the hour. Because the next day or hour I'm back to wanting to get back control.

This week, so far, so good. Stuck to my points on Saturday, using my daily 26 and 15 FP's. Today wrote everything down, and so far, no FP's. Oops, thats wrong. I'm having a cup of coffee, so 1 point for the creamer.

Ryan and Emilie and I took a walk tonight, and it felt great. Except they challenged me to a sprint up a hill, and I'm not one to ignore a challenge. But now my hip is killing me again! I want so bad to run, to jog, something other than walking. Because to tell you the truth, unless I have someone to walk with, I'm so bored. I might possibly try walking with the kids after dinner each night, to get some exercise for all of us in. Since Molly is done with preschool, I don't have many opportunities to go to the gym unless I put her in daycare. And at $4 a pop, just for an hour, it can add up quick.

Okie dokie, I'm going to try to post on here every day this week, in the hopes that it'll keep me going the full week. I'm really going to try to not lose my motivation by Thursday. And before I forget, in the last 2 months, I've gained almost 10 pounds! I refuse to go back to where I used to be!

Hope everyone has a great week!

Would someone kick my ass please?

I've got to get this shit straightened out. I haven't been "following the plan" for a little over a week now. I didn't weigh-in yesterday because I knew the scale was going to show a pretty major gain and I didn't feel like spending money to see that gain. Normally I will go anyway, just to put myself back into place. To start a fresh week. But I've seriously been cringing with the thought of sitting in on another meeting with this horrible leader. I just can't stand her. I've made notice that instead of listening to what she has to say, I watch her mannerisms. The way she pauses to swallow between sentences, how she talks, how she walks, I think you get the picture. She's just not motivating me! And I think really this is what it comes down to.

I'm having problems as it is sticking to my points. I've been known these last two weeks to be angry that I can't eat what I want! I need to refocus. I think I've said it before, but thats really what I need to do. And I need the motivation to do it.

Since I haven't changed my stats on the sidebar, I'll tell you this. Yesterday, June 3rd, I didn't weigh-in and I'm according to my scale, I'm pretty sure I gained between 4-5 pounds. Granted, it was PMS week, and I haven't been drinking my water, so I'm hoping that at least 3 pounds of it is water weight. But....I feel like shit. I like eating healthy. My body likes feeling healthy. My body and mind DON'T LIKE feeling like a fat blob. I seriously feel like shit. Even though in the grand scheme of things, 4 pounds is practically nothing, when I look in the mirror I see my "old self". I hate feeling this way, but I need some serious ass kicking to get me back into gear.

In another month I'll be turning 31. (BTW, I've just accepted that I'm 30, and now before I know it I'll be another year older) Anyway, last year for my birthday my "mini goal" was to get to 200 pounds. And I made it! Just barely, but I made it. Now this year, I realize that I'm only 25 pounds less than I was an entire YEAR AGO! Just doesn't seem right to me. I should be to goal by now!

So, I've made another mini goal for this year's birthday. I figure right now, according to my scale I'm around 179. My lowest since gaining and losing here and there was around 171.8. Not good. Not the end of the world, but not good. So, my goal for my birthday this year, on July 11th, is to get down to 170. That's about 8-9 pounds in a little over a month. Also putting into consideration that a few pounds of that is water weight. But... I need to find a new meeting to go to.

I like weighing in on Saturday's because its the weekend. A new set of flexpoints to start me off for the weekends, especially with the ever present picnics and parties. Plus, then I can get down to business during the week and I try to stick to my daily points. But by Thursday I lose my motivation. And thats the worst time to lose it considering weigh-in is just a few days away. So I could go to a Thursday meeting. But, if I did that, my sister Jen wouldn't always be able to go with me because of her work schedule. And I kinda need that support of another person going with me. And since we live in a small town, we don't have an actual WW store to go to. And its not really convenient to have to travel a half hour away to go to one. The only other meeting time is on a Tuesday but considering I use my flexpoints on the weekend, it wouldn't be good to use the majority of those a few days before weigh-in.

I'm rambling, trying to find a solution. I just don't know what to do. I really, really, need to find a new leader. I can't blame my lack of success on her, but when it comes down to it, its the motivating meetings that keep me wanting to do this.

Plus, do I really need to remind myself that we're right on the edge of "swimsuit season"?

Anyway, my new week. Its starting tomorrow. It should have been started yesterday since it was Saturday, but I'm frustrated with the whole "not smoking, not eating" thing and figure I'll give myself a little slack and start with the new school week. And really in the whole gist of things, whats another day of crappy eating? I still should lose something if I stick with it starting on Monday, and maybe that'll be the motivation I need to keep it going. Once again.

I've come so far, I'm not going to screw it up now.