Would someone kick my ass please?

I've got to get this shit straightened out. I haven't been "following the plan" for a little over a week now. I didn't weigh-in yesterday because I knew the scale was going to show a pretty major gain and I didn't feel like spending money to see that gain. Normally I will go anyway, just to put myself back into place. To start a fresh week. But I've seriously been cringing with the thought of sitting in on another meeting with this horrible leader. I just can't stand her. I've made notice that instead of listening to what she has to say, I watch her mannerisms. The way she pauses to swallow between sentences, how she talks, how she walks, I think you get the picture. She's just not motivating me! And I think really this is what it comes down to.

I'm having problems as it is sticking to my points. I've been known these last two weeks to be angry that I can't eat what I want! I need to refocus. I think I've said it before, but thats really what I need to do. And I need the motivation to do it.

Since I haven't changed my stats on the sidebar, I'll tell you this. Yesterday, June 3rd, I didn't weigh-in and I'm according to my scale, I'm pretty sure I gained between 4-5 pounds. Granted, it was PMS week, and I haven't been drinking my water, so I'm hoping that at least 3 pounds of it is water weight. But....I feel like shit. I like eating healthy. My body likes feeling healthy. My body and mind DON'T LIKE feeling like a fat blob. I seriously feel like shit. Even though in the grand scheme of things, 4 pounds is practically nothing, when I look in the mirror I see my "old self". I hate feeling this way, but I need some serious ass kicking to get me back into gear.

In another month I'll be turning 31. (BTW, I've just accepted that I'm 30, and now before I know it I'll be another year older) Anyway, last year for my birthday my "mini goal" was to get to 200 pounds. And I made it! Just barely, but I made it. Now this year, I realize that I'm only 25 pounds less than I was an entire YEAR AGO! Just doesn't seem right to me. I should be to goal by now!

So, I've made another mini goal for this year's birthday. I figure right now, according to my scale I'm around 179. My lowest since gaining and losing here and there was around 171.8. Not good. Not the end of the world, but not good. So, my goal for my birthday this year, on July 11th, is to get down to 170. That's about 8-9 pounds in a little over a month. Also putting into consideration that a few pounds of that is water weight. But... I need to find a new meeting to go to.

I like weighing in on Saturday's because its the weekend. A new set of flexpoints to start me off for the weekends, especially with the ever present picnics and parties. Plus, then I can get down to business during the week and I try to stick to my daily points. But by Thursday I lose my motivation. And thats the worst time to lose it considering weigh-in is just a few days away. So I could go to a Thursday meeting. But, if I did that, my sister Jen wouldn't always be able to go with me because of her work schedule. And I kinda need that support of another person going with me. And since we live in a small town, we don't have an actual WW store to go to. And its not really convenient to have to travel a half hour away to go to one. The only other meeting time is on a Tuesday but considering I use my flexpoints on the weekend, it wouldn't be good to use the majority of those a few days before weigh-in.

I'm rambling, trying to find a solution. I just don't know what to do. I really, really, need to find a new leader. I can't blame my lack of success on her, but when it comes down to it, its the motivating meetings that keep me wanting to do this.

Plus, do I really need to remind myself that we're right on the edge of "swimsuit season"?

Anyway, my new week. Its starting tomorrow. It should have been started yesterday since it was Saturday, but I'm frustrated with the whole "not smoking, not eating" thing and figure I'll give myself a little slack and start with the new school week. And really in the whole gist of things, whats another day of crappy eating? I still should lose something if I stick with it starting on Monday, and maybe that'll be the motivation I need to keep it going. Once again.

I've come so far, I'm not going to screw it up now.