Weigh-in

Oops, just about forgot to post. Weigh-in this past Saturday, I lost 6.0 lbs. Awesome start! Unfortunately, it was Chris' birthday on Saturday and the food has been screwed up ever since. I'm trying, really trying, but I just can't keep my shit together. I went to the gym on Monday, and did 35 minutes on the treadmill, but got in an argument with my sister, so basically just left after that. (her and I next to each other on the treadmills, having a heated discussion...priceless)

You know, I just don't know why I'm having a hard time. I used to be so gung-ho about exercising and eating right. Now I'm just disappointed in myself. Everytime I look in the mirror, I'm appalled. I hate how I look. Its affecting my self-esteem, its affecting how I deal with the kids, its affecting every aspect of my life.

Yet, I still can't get my shit together.

Trying to think positive thoughts though...although I can't keep it all together, I have been eating good meals. Normal stuff that I'd eat while doing WW. Its just the snacks.....they're getting out of control.

Did that used to be me?

I was just reading through some of my archives, and I don't recognize the person doing the writing. Was that seriously me, and how can I get back to that? Holy cow, I seem to remember at one point being able to say I lost 75 pounds. Its almost like reading a strangers story. Should be motivating though, eh?

Saturday weigh-in once again

I did go to the Thursday meeting, and just didn't like it. Although it was more convenient because I didn't have to take the kids, I decided to go back to Saturday's. I liked the leader alot, but not as much as the Saturday leader. All the people there were old, and while I'm not saying I have anything against them, I wanted to see some people around my age. I decided that I was going to hold off until today to start following , since the journal doesn't have enough pages for 9 days. I went to the meeting this morning with my sister, didn't weigh-in again, but stayed for the meeting and now consider myself back on. I have to do this... I want to do this. I've gained 35 pounds since June and need to get that off by this June. I refuse to buy any newer, bigger summer clothes. That's all there is to it. That gives me approx. 5-6 months, which is totally possible. I'm also going month by month. By Feb. 15th, I want to be down 10 pounds. Possible, since this first week I'll most likely take off quite a bit (if I manage to make it through). I'll keep this updated with my progress!

I'm gonna do it

In about 15 minutes, I'm heading to a WW meeting. I haven't been to one in weeks, but I figure if I just get myself there, I'll be okay. I'm a little nervous though. I don't want to see my folder that says how much I used to weigh, but I'm not going to be able to keep myself from looking. In addition to it being easier to get to, I'm hoping this Thursday meeting will help in other ways. First of all, while going to Saturday meetings, I would be "good" all week and then start cheating a little by Wednesday or so. So on the weeks that I would have only lost a little, I in fact, either lost nothing or gained because of my little cheats. We'll see how it goes for the Thursday weigh-in. If I can make it through the weekend, I'm practically home free. With the regular weekday schedule, I'm thinking I'll be okay. What's important right now, is that I'm going back. I'm recommitting. And I have another chance at making it to goal.

Gearing up

Just so its known... I'm not yet back on track. However, I did go to the gym this morning and did 35 minutes on the treadmill, burning 215 calories. I'm planning on going to a WW meeting this Thursday to start over again. I'm planning on weighing in on Thursday's from now on since it'll be easier getting there with the kids in school. Which means that I won't have as many excuses as on Saturday mornings. We'll see. One thing I have noticed is when I was at my lowest weight, I saw a fat person in the mirror. Actually, more specifically, I saw myself as I look now, instead of being proud of how I looked. If that makes any sense. So, I'm planning on going to the gym again tomorrow. I have an exercise ball and weights that Chris got me last Christmas, still in its box, that I'm going to get out. There's no reason why I can't do weights, while watching my soap. So thats the plan. We'll see how it goes.... it'll be interesting, thats for sure.

Peace at last

The dogs finally went home last night. And what a week its been! I really don't mind watching them, I seriously don't. Its nice since we're "borrowing" them, so it gives us a sense of having a dog, but then giving them back. Kinda like when a person babysits a baby to get their baby fix, but can give the baby back. Actually, its the same exact thing. Obviously dogs don't need as much attention, but all in all the same. Anyway, last Sunday my sister dropped them off. Sunday night Chase, the older one, got into a gift bag I had in the corner of the livingroom that had hershey kisses in it. We didn't realize until after the fact, that he had eaten the chocolate including the wrappers. I casually mentioned it to my sister, and of course got the speech of how chocolate is lethal to dogs and we really need to put that stuff up. Its not like I fed it to him though! Monday, Chris and I had to attend a funeral and came home. Chase again had gotten into a box of chocolates on the computer desk, that I hadn't seen because it was under a stack of papers. That afternoon he threw up, which we thought was a good thing...to get it out of his system. I again, casually mentioned it to my sister that night when she called and she really came down on me. She had me in tears. I even pointed out to her that it has happened at her house....the dogs getting into chocolate. Then her husband got me on the phone, yelled at me, and I'm still in tears at this point. He actually had the gall to call me irresponsible! My sister wanted me to go over to her house at almost 10 pm to get the other crate for him. I told her I wasn't doing it tonight. Nevermind the fact that I didn't have her house key and she was in Ohio! Apparently my brother had a house key, and she called him so I could plan on picking it up the next morning. My brother looked up the amount of chocolate that would be dangerous..... and informed us that it was 1 oz per pound of body weight. Well, Chase weighs at least 50 pounds. But my sister and BIL had me so upset that I couldn't sleep all that night and I thought I was going to wake up in the morning and the dog would be dead. They put me through hell. Let me also point out the everyone I've talked to about this has told me that next time they should just put the dogs in a kennel. I obviously can't be trusted. I understand my sister considering these dogs her "kids" since she has no children. But she also said to my brother that "its just like coming home to a dead Matthew". (I'm not supposed to know she said that). Regardless, the next night she called, I informed her that I hadn't poisoned them that day, with my sarcasm. She apologized for her and her husband coming down on me so hard. And last night on the way home from the airport, actually had the gall to ask me if I'll watch them again next month so she can fly to CA to see her husband! The sad thing is, I'll probably say yes. But I know that because I almost always say yes, that people tend to walk all over me. Anyway, the rest of the week was fine, no trouble with the dogs, but its still nice to wake up this morning and not get jumped on by a puppy....lol BTW, our yard is a minefield. I'm waiting till it gets below freezing, and hopefully can scoop when everything is frozen. Ewwww.....

Randomness

I keep forgetting to post around here. What happens is that I start reading other blogs and by the time I'm done, I either don't have the time to post, or don't have anything to post. I think I'll probably be starting another blog once I can think of a good title. The new blog will cover everything including weightloss, just not only weightloss. Anyway, on to some pictures. Confusion can be found here. My daffodils think because its in the 40's and 50's, that its springtime. I've been told that since they're coming up now, they won't be once the spring really comes.... Here's a picture of my sister's dogs..... Chase on the left, Tater on the right. We're watching them this week while my sister and BIL drive cross country to California. Its just cute because they climbed into the crate on their own, and side by side, are chewing on their bones. Some more randomness....our wedding.....1997, 10 years in August. Ryan was just 3 yrs, Emi, just 2 yrs.....brings back alot of memories. And finally a semi-current picture, taken a year and a half ago, at my sister's wedding, and also used for last years Christmas card... (excuse the color quality). So there you have it. Know for the few that read, that I'm alive and well, and look for a link in the coming week or so for my new blog. Hope everyone has a great weekend!