Dreading weigh-in

I haven't been to WW in 2 weeks. I've only exercised at the gym once, but have spent some time outside gardening. I've made truffles, I've eaten truffles, and for some reason can't following my points for the week unless I start them on Saturday. So, like usually happens every few months (or weeks!) I've yet again fallen off the bandwagon. And I feel like shit. Just another reminder that I feel better when I eat better.

I don't want to go tomorrow. I'm so mad at myself...I'm actually quite furious. If I just had tried to follow my points I wouldn't be seeing the scale up a few pounds. I know its at least 3 or 4 pounds, but I'm crossing my fingers its not more than 5 lbs. As much as I want to lose the last 25 pounds, I want to stop. I've spent this week purposely eating things I wouldn't normally eat. I feel completely guilty about it but can't stop myself. I want to just eat what I want. Its like I'm feeling a noose tighten around my neck.

But I won't let that stop me. I WILL be at WW tomorrow morning, I will suck it up and step on that scale. I WILL NOT let the number on the scale scare me. And starting tomorrow I'll be back to counting my points, because I WILL make it to goal. I've gotta stop screwing around with all this. For me, its 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Maybe its that way for everyone. I mean, at least after I take that step back, I still keep going and take a few steps forward. Thats something at least.

I know I'm not perfect. No one is. But knowing I've spent the last few months only losing 5 pounds means I can try a little harder. I think tonight I'm going to write up an "action plan". I need to remind myself in writing how I'm going to do this. Remind myself what foods are the best "bang for my points" so to speak. Refocus on my goals. And yet again, recommit myself.

Wish me luck!